That’s when I decided to try a little experiment with DHEA. I had read claims that it could preserve lean body mass while boosting memory and immune function. And though no one has conducted long-term studies, I knew that side effects were rare. So after informing my doctor, I picked up a jar of 25-milligram capsules and started taking one with breakfast every morning. I didn’t get any better with names, and I had to wonder about the immunity part when I promptly developed a horrendous 10-day cold. But I soldiered on in the name of science, and soon noticed that I was lifting more weight with less effort. Last week, after 30 days of treatment, I had my weight and body composition measured, and I could hardly believe what the trainer told me. In just one month, I had put on another six pounds. I was up to a whopping 150.
My wife was skeptical when I called to share the news. “Maybe that stuff is just making you fat,” she said. But that wasn’t what the tests showed. According to the skin-fold calipers, my fat level was down from last year’s 7 percent, to just 5.4.
I realize that my experiment had roughly the scientific merit of a toothpaste commercial. Maybe I drank or retained more water the day I was weighed. Maybe I’ve been eating more and training harder since I started downing DHEA. Maybe the capsules worked through the power of suggestion. In any case, the scarecrow talk is starting to ring hollow. I may not look like Arnold yet, but I think I’ll stick with this stuff. My calculations show that at this growth rate, I’ll weigh 762 rock-hard pounds by the time I turn 50. What better way to prepare for “male menopause”?
