My answer then was maybe in three years. And as my third anniversary approached, I gave more thought to whether or not I felt ready to have children. I’d considered having as many as four, but starting a family of any size would not be easy for me. I am a carrier of Fragile X , a genetic disease that is a leading cause of mental retardation.
In considering my options, I reread the letter written by the genetic counselor I’d met with when I had tested positive for Fragile X. My childbearing options: in vitro fertilization via egg donor, IVF using my own egg but having it undergo preimplantation testing, adoption, playing the odds with a natural pregnancy. (These odds are 50/50. A woman has two X chromosomes, so she has a 50 percent chance of passing on her healthy X and having an unaffected child.)
I spent months weighing these possibilities. IVF appealed to me because of the increased chance of having multiples, since I liked the idea of a large family. Adoption was appealing because of the need and greater guarantee of actually having a child once all the money had been spent.
As a Christian, my faith became a factor. Shouldn’t I simply trust God and know that the outcome of a natural pregnancy would be part of His plan? But I believe the advances of science are gifts not to be ignored. I continued deliberating.
I wasn’t sure I saw the point in using an egg donor when my own egg could be tested. Then again, my own egg had to be harvested and fertilized before it could be tested, whereas the egg donor herself would be screened, but not her egg. This brought up the ethical question of where life begins. I decided I was comfortable with this science, but I also had to weigh the fact that the Fragile X carriers don’t take well to IVF. There is only one major center that does preimplantation testing for Fragile X carriers because the success rates have been so low.
I started thinking I simply had to have faith. I told myself, God knows my desires to have healthy children. He knows how I have labored and sought Him in my decision making, so I will have faith in Him that IVF will work. But then I would think, considering that I have a 50 percent chance of passing on my healthy X and bearing a nonaffected child, shouldn’t I target all my faith and prayer toward a healthy natural pregnancy? And what about adoption? In other words, I always ended up back where I started.
My genetic counselor had concluded her summary letter by saying, “There is no one right answer. All the different options have both positives and negatives. Every couple has to decide for themselves what is best for them and their families.” After much prayer my husband and I decided that while we were still open to a natural pregnancy, it wasn’t the door we were ready to go through, and while IVF may be a viable option for some, we personally couldn’t justify the expense when so many children need homes. Two weeks after celebrating our third anniversary we signed on with a foreign adoption agency. Eleven months later we arrived home from Volgograd, Russia, with a shy and skinny 16-month old son.
Kaden is now a plump, happy, bumbling 2-year-old. He has some minor developmental delays caused by institutionalization that we are working through, but he is, overall, an easy child and a joy to parent.
There were times when I wished I didn’t have the information about Fragile X, wished I had not known to be tested or that I hadn’t followed through with the testing and counseling. But carrying a Fragile X has broadened, not limited, my options. It caused me to travel to Russia, something I might not ever have done otherwise. Most importantly, carrying a Fragile X led us to our first child, and no matter what road we travel down in the future to expand our family, there is no doubt in my mind that our first baby was meant to be Kaden. Because carrying a Fragile X is what it took to for us to find him, what brought him into our family, I will forever choose to see this condition as a blessing.
