In a post on the London-based discussion site Mumsnet, user MollyPocket shared her dilemma after her mother-in-law became upset about the “no sleepovers” rule.

In the post, the mom explained that their in-laws had recently revealed a freshly decorated room just for their granddaughter: “[My mother-in-law] proceeded to do a grand reveal of our daughter’s new bedroom. All bedecked with pink princesses and unicorns, not my taste but clearly a lot of effort gone in. She proceeded to request we make a start with her first sleepover next week.”

Olivia DeLong, senior health editor at BabyCenter, told Newsweek: “New grandparents—especially first-time grandparents—are often very excited to spend time with their grandchildren and spoil them as grandparents do.

“Grandparents are understandably eager to be involved in a baby’s life, so communication is key. Regular check-ins and establishing ‘ground rules’ from the beginning can help ensure everyone understands boundaries.”

But with their daughter just 4 months old, the mom explained that getting their daughter to bed at all is challenging at the moment and felt that her mother-in-law’s request was a bit premature. “I was a bit shocked and felt she’d jumped the gun a bit. We haven’t even discussed sleepovers yet,” she said.

“I basically told my mother-in-law that while the room looked great, it was too much too soon to be having sleepovers. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll be keen on the idea for ages yet,” said the mom.

“A baby’s parent or primary caregiver is ultimately in charge of making decisions for their baby. That means that, while grandparents and others might be eager to spend time with your baby, mom should make the decision she feels is best for her child, including letting her baby stay over or not,” said DeLong. “This mom can gently explain to her mother-in-law that, while she appreciates that she made arrangements for her baby to stay overnight, she doesn’t feel like her child is ready for sleepovers just yet. If the mom feels comfortable, she can explain her reasoning, but she doesn’t have to.”

DeLong also stressed the importance of safety when caring for a baby. “It’s important that anyone watching your baby overnight—or during the day—have a properly installed car seat in case they need to go anywhere, and that they know how to administer infant CPR or choking rescue maneuvers in case of an emergency,” she explained. “You’ll also want to make sure that anyone watching your baby during the day or at night knows the current safe sleep guidelines.”

Clearly upset, the mother-in-law later text her daughter-in-law to say she was upset and was looking forward to regular sleepovers, asking again when she can start to have her granddaughter to visit.

“I said that as my daughter is breastfed and often co-sleeps it won’t be for quite some time,” explained the mom. “I thought about it and felt a bit bad and started to think maybe in a couple of months if my daughter will take a bottle we could try and see how it goes.”

But this was until she saw a message on her husband’s phone from her mother-in-law. When she picked it up, she was shocked by what she read.

“My mother-in-law actually said to my husband that ‘he mustn’t let me carry on breastfeeding longer than necessary in order to keep DD from doing overnights at their house,’” said the mom.

Shocked by the message, the mom revealed that this had made her think twice about asking her husband’s parents to babysit in the future.

Asking the internet for advice, she said: “Am I being unreasonable or is she just nuts?”

In over 550 comments on the post, commenters on Mumsnet rushed to back the mom and told her she was right to refuse the sleepovers.

“You are not being unreasonable,” said one reply. “She’s a little baby! Breastfeed as long as you want to and stand firm on the sleepovers until you’re comfortable.”

“Your mother-in-law needs putting in her place,” said another reply. While another Mumsnet user agreed and said: “Tell her no. She needs to calm down.”

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

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