In what Mumsnet user Namechangefail123 called “an ongoing issue,” she shared on Thursday with hundreds of commenters how her stepchildren “don’t like their life with us.”
With a 16-year-old boy and a 10-year-old girl, the Mumsnet poster wrote her stepkids seemed unhappy at home.
“They have always blamed us not doing enough over the weekends, the house not being to their standards, and not having one-on-one time with their father,” explained the poster. “Yesterday my husband had the eureka moment that it is because their life with us always follows the same routine.”
The poster wrote how the family goes into the town to run errands on a Saturday and maybe have a drink or snack together. On Sundays, they take a walk with the dog and go to a nearby pub.
“The interesting bit is that over their weekends at their mum’s house, family and friends will visit—or they’ll go and visit them, having a completely different dynamic that we could ever have,” wrote the poster.
“We have no local family and we’ve just started making friends but my stepson finds new social situations too stressful so he’s always too anxious to meet them.”
At a loss, the woman explained how she felt she was letting them down, but could not just make a social life “appear from thin air.”
“I have no idea what else to do,” she wrote: “I do my best, after all, I’m the one who makes them have their own room and live in a nice home.”
Dr. Deena Manion, a psychologist and a licensed clinical social worker at Westwind Recovery in Los Angeles, told Newsweek: “There are a few things step-parents can do to help with making sure that kids are content.
“For example, listening to what the kids have to say, but really listening. Making them feel a part of the conversation and allowing their opinions and validating their point of view.”
On Mumsnet, more than 600 commenters rushed to advise the woman on what she could do to keep the family happy.
“Can you sit down with them with a piece of paper and brainstorm activities which they would like and try to include one of those each weekend?” said one commenter, while another wrote: “It sounds like no one is making much effort to make the weekends enjoyable for them.”
Another Mumsnet user wrote: “It sounds utterly boring for them, running errands, country walks, and country pub,” while one commented: “At that age hanging round with their parents is probably boring anyway.”
Manion said: “I would suggest that everyone try to get on the same page. It’s understandable that errands need to be done, and things around the house need to be attended to, but there seems to be no reason why this family can’t come together to cook dinner together, have a movie night, or go out for dinner.”
“The person who wrote the letter has almost made up their mind by saying there’s nothing they can do. That attitude simply puts them at a disadvantage,” Manion said.
“It seems that they can all come together and plan family gatherings that would work for everyone, even if it’s just once a month or every other week.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
