The Original Poster (OP), known as u/throwaway3213451, posted about the situation in Reddit’s popular “Am I The A******” forum where it received over 12,300 upvotes and 5,200 comments. The post can be found here.

Open Communication

With almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States ending in divorce, it is not uncommon for a child to feel stuck between their parents or stepparents.

Cheryl Donald, LMFT and founder of Brooklyn Marriage & Family Therapy, told Newsweek that healthy family dynamics begin with open communication.

“Families can begin opening up the lines of communication by first identifying a common goal,” Donald said. “This goal can address interpersonal relationships, parenting relationships, educational goals and financial goals.”

By focusing on the family as a whole rather than an individual’s beliefs, the family can speak and interact as a collective unit. This allows for open communication among all family members including parental figures and the children.

“Parents must work collectively to ensure the family blending process is as healthy as possible,” Donald said. “This is ongoing work for parents that can extend well into the early adulthood stages of their children.”

It is also important for parents to develop a mutual parenting strategy to ensure the child feels support from both their biological and stepparents.

“Children should be treated with love and care in an equitable manner by their parents, regardless of their biological or ‘step’ status,” Donald said. “Equity does not necessarily mean equal. Parents and Step Parents should develop a mutually agreeable parenting strategy that takes into account the unique characteristics and traits of their individual children.”

‘AITA?’

In the post titled “AITA for refusing to let my daughter invite her bio dad to her birthday and threatening to cancel it?” the OP said her daughter Kelly’s father left when she was 4 years old.

“It’s complicated but despite him being away he still sent money or had his family help from time to time,” the post read. “I still struggled a lot raising her til I met my now husband ‘Christopher.’ Christopher is like a dad to Kelly. He’s the only father figure she had.”

Recently, the OP discovered that Kelly, now 16, reconnected with her biological father. She said that while she was unhappy with this, she did not “make a fuss.”

However, Kelly began mentioning her father more often, even canceling plans with the OP and Christopher to visit him.

“Her justification is that her dad is sick and might be (I say might because she’s a child and may not know what it meant) terminal,” the post read. “She sees him at his friend’s house where he’s staying now.”

Upcoming Birthday Party

For Kelly’s upcoming 17th birthday, the OP and Christopher were planning a party at their home. When Kelly asked if she could invite her father to the party, Christopher immediately refused.

“He said he won’t let that man come into his house,” the post read.

Kelly said she wanted her father there since he may not be able to next year and cried when Christopher said no.

She told her mom and Christopher that they were “robbing her” of a chance to make memories with her father, but the OP said she was not comfortable being in the same room as him.

“Her stepsister said that both me and Christopher are overreacting and that Kelly wants her dad to take part in her birthday so badly,” the post read. “Christopher left the house and I snapped at Kelly and threatened to cancel the whole thing.”

After the situation calmed down, the OP suggested that Kelly “go” celebrate her birthday with her dad. But Kelly said he is not able to throw her a party since he’s sick.

“We had another argument and she started ignoring me and Christopher while staying in her room,” the post read. “She’s saying she won’t forgive me if I let her dad miss what could be her last birthday with him. Am I being unreasonable or is she?”

Redditor Reactions

Over 5,200 users commented on the post, many defending the OP and others criticizing her decision.

“This is a sad situation all around,” one user commented receiving over 28,000 upvotes. “As much as she wants to see her father, you are well within your rights to not want to see him. I’m going with NAH due to the horrible situation that this is, and I understand it puts pressure on you and your husband. But please listen to your daughter. She may never forgive you.”

“YTA This isn’t about you,” another user commented. “Your daughter has reconnected with her dad and wants him in her life for as long as he is alive, which apparently is not very long at all. I understand you have resentment against him, but he, by your account, helped with money throughout your daughter’s life.”

“You’re well within your rights to feel uncomfortable and resentful around him and not want him in your home,” another commented. “She’s well within her rights to want to know her bio dad, especially when he might not be here this time next year. Ask yourself if your resentment and discomfort for one day is worth your daughters resentment towards you for depriving her of this one clearly important memory with him. I guess NAH.”

“I am going to say NTA because you can refuse to have him over, it’s up to you, but I also don’t think it is a good move if you want to know what he and your daughter are up to,” another commented.

“NTA but you’re setting yourself up for big problems in the future,” another commented. “She’s an adolescent and you’re her primary parent, and in this situation every obstacle you put in her path will push her toward him…stop creating those obstacles. Instead, set healthy boundaries and let the relationship grow (or die) naturally.”

“She’s 17 she’s not a child if she wants her dad at her birthday let her he was still sending money and having his family help you I think YTA in this situation,” another commented.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway3213451 for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In another viral Reddit post, a parent was criticized for refusing to let her young daughter contact her biological mother.

Another parent was slammed by commenters after her stepson said she was “delusional” for trying to adopt him.

In another viral post, a teen was praised for avoiding his “real parents” by being adopted by his stepmother.