Writing in a post shared to Reddit by Both-Collection5838, the concerned mother said her daughter treats her husband as if “he’s not part of the family” and excludes him from her life.

The pattern of behavior had gone on for years, but the mom recently confronted the teen over it. Unfortunately, the daughter hit back, explaining that, while her mom “chose to marry him,” she “didn’t choose to have him in her life.”

Data gathered by the Pew Research Center in 2015 estimates 16 percent of children in the U.S. are living as part of a blended family. While some are able to form lasting bonds, for others, it can be too much to bridge the gap. This has been shown to be especially true in blended families where an adolescent girl is involved.

According to a 2013 study from Brigham Young University, which examined the circumstances of 1,088 children, aged 10 to 16, who were living in a household with a mother or stepfather, boys were found to develop better relationships with their stepdads than girls did.

In this instance, the daughter, named Gracie, had more reason than most to be wary of her stepdad. Her mom said she split from Gracie’s biological father, who “hated” her husband, and “Gracie always knew it.” She said her ex “would not stop badmouthing” her husband to Gracie, resulting in her being “hesitant” to form a relationship.

When she was 8 years old, her father died. Yet, in the years since then, her mom says her daughter has continued to hold the stepfather “at arms length and doesn’t treat him like a member of her family.”

Her stepdad is regularly ignored and not invited to key events in Gracie’s life, despite him now being the father of her two half-siblings.

“It hurts my husband and I have tried to facilitate their relationship to be more but I don’t think it was enough,” the mom wrote.

“I told her we never ever asked her to replace her dad or to consider them the same but she excludes him and keeps him out and he has only ever been kind to her,” she added.

A row erupted with the teen furious at her mom’s intervention. “She got mad and told me I chose to marry him, she didn’t choose to have him in her life. She also said it wasn’t my business what their relationship is like.”

The fallout has continued since, with the mom left regretting her decision to say something.

But while the mom appeared focused on fixing her daughter’s relationship with her stepdad, Terri DiMatteo, a licensed professional counselor specializing in couples counseling in New Jersey, felt Gracie’s “loyalty to her father” was the main issue.

“While he may be a wonderful husband to the woman and an appropriate stepfather to Gracie, Gracie’s loyalty to her dad is critical in this situation,” she told Newsweek. “Gracie likely feels that if she welcomes, accepts, and forges a relationship with her stepdad, she is betraying her dad.”

As a result, DiMatteo recommended a different course of action.

“Rather than focus directly on the relationship between her husband and her daughter, the situation may have a better chance of progressing if Gracie receives some guidance and support in helping her understand that, although her dad’s hurt and jealous feelings about her mom marrying another are understandable, she is free to have her feelings without feeling disloyal to dad,” DiMatteo said.

“Gracie may have concluded that to receive love from her father, she must agree with him and that holding another opinion will jeopardize her dad’s love for her.”

DiMatteo’s stance was echoed by many on social media. DuhChappers commented: “It’s very natural for you to want her to have a good relationship with your husband. It’s also pretty natural for her, given her life story as you present it, to not feel that close to him.”

Jaded-Moose983 wrote: “As hard as it might be, I think the subject should be dropped and accept Gracie where she’s at. Maybe in time, without the pressure, she will develop the love and respect for the role her step father has provided.”

Elsewhere, 1-22-333-4444 posted: “Right now, Gracie probably still views her step-father as an interloper, a legacy from her bio dad. As she matures, she may begin to appreciate that her bio dad was not perfect. Then again, she may not. Such is life.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Both-Collection5383 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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