Posting to TikTok on November 8, Harlie (@thisisharlie) wrote: “Today, my first grader’s school prioritized dress coding her over feeding her. Literally WHY.” In a series of follow-up videos, Harlie said she spoke to the school’s administration about the situation but was ultimately disappointed with their response. As a result, she withdrew her daughter from the school.
School Dress Codes
According to Education Week, 93 percent of school districts have dress codes. Some school administrators believe the policies “promote safety and security for students.” But others believe dress codes are “sexist” and “unfairly enforced.”
Research conducted by Alyssa Pavlakis, a school administrator from Illinois, found that more than 90 percent of dress codes “prohibit clothing typically associated with girls,” such as halter tops, yoga pants and “skirts or shorts shorter than mid-thigh.” Meanwhile, only 69 percent target items that are “typically associated with boys.”
“My girls definitely feel anger towards the school for not educating the boys and making [the girls] aware every day what they wear can be a distraction to the boys,” an anonymous parent told Pavlakis.
Pavlakis also found that about 60 percent of dress codes “make staff members measure students’ bodies and clothing to check adherence to codes,” and schools that enroll predominately students of color are “more likely to remove students from class for violating” dress codes.
“When we take away that instructional time because they’re wearing leggings, we are doing our students a disservice,” Pavlakis said.
Harlie’s Story
In her videos, Harlie said her daughter’s school pulled her daughter out of lunch for violating the dress code.
In a TikTok posted on November 8, Harlie’s daughter—who is standing off-camera—explains that a school staff member pulled her daughter out of lunch because her shirt’s spaghetti straps were “inappropriate.” They sent her to the nurse’s office to get a new shirt, but the nurse was busy with calls and couldn’t give her the shirt in a timely manner. So, she missed lunch.
To make matters worse, Harlie told Newsweek that the administration initially lied about why they sent her daughter to the nurse’s office.
“We met with the school, and they claimed she was pulled out because she was cold. They gave her another short-sleeved shirt, which I don’t understand. I also don’t understand why her shirt was called ‘inappropriate’ if it was an issue with her being cold,” she said.
“Honestly, I don’t think they maliciously, or even intentionally, had her miss all of lunch,” Harlie continued. “The issue I have is that they were not honest with me and they didn’t give her additional time to eat.”
Harlie also said the school didn’t call her to tell her about the dress code violation.
“They did not call me. They did send home a copy of her dress code. I had no idea until my daughter told me when she got home. I went in the next day asking them to call me if she breaks the dress code again, as I’d rather pick her up than teach her to cover up,” Harlie told Newsweek. “Their response at that time was, ‘Your solution is to pull her out of academics?’ I confirmed that it was.”
After posting several videos about the issue, Harlie said she heard from several other parents at the school who expressed “similar concerns.”
“My daughter has not been back to the school since the incident, as we learned about a few other issues,” Harlie said. “Our lawyer confirmed it was unlawful to pull her from the lunchroom and advised that she be removed from the school for multiple reasons.”
Harlie’s daughter has now enrolled in a “new homeschool hybrid” that several of Harlie’s TikTok followers recommended.
“She does miss all her friends, but we’ve talked about how her advocating for herself made a better environment for the kids that are staying at the school and raised awareness for change in other schools as well. She feels rightfully empowered by the experience,” Harlie said.
“Overall, the big lesson I wanted her to take away from this dress code issue is that what she wears is not going to be a way for her to control how others behave. I want to make sure she never feels at fault for harassment or assault over an outfit choice. I want to raise her to know that how someone dresses is never an excuse for someone else to treat them poorly. I want her to know she’s not too little or too young to make a big change in the world. I think this was a great lesson for her.”
More Viral Posts
In September, a high school student confronted her school’s administration about “sexist” dress code rules.
Last September, a mother accused her daughter’s principal of “taking her [daughter’s] education away over her dress code.”
And in June 2021, a high school student sparked an online debate about whether or not school dress codes are necessary after protesting her school’s dress code.
