One Mumsnet user turned to the parenting site’s “Talk” forum for advice, after reaching breaking point with her teenage daughter’s “awful personality” and “cruel behavior.”
In her post shared on January 1, user Iwishitwasdifferent described her 17-year-old daughter as “spoilt, rude and downright unkind.”
“She can ruin any occasion with her behavior and just doesn’t seem to care about me or the rest of her family,” she wrote.
Iwishitwasdifferent said that she, her husband and their 10-year-old daughter “suffer every day” due to the teen’s attitude, with the family on “countdown until she leaves home” next year.
Although fellow Mumsnet users sympathized with the poster, they also believed she was too soft on her daughter, with the post receiving over 750 comments.
Do Teenagers Really Have an Attitude Problem?
According to Karen Pavlidis, founder and clinical instructor of Child and Teen Solutions, it’s normal for children to develop “attitudes” as they enter puberty.
“They start to know better than their parents, roll their eyes, and talk back,” Pavlidis told Newsweek.
“It’s normal for parents to feel shocked at the change from the sweet adoration that they had previously received from their child.”
While it can be unpleasant, Pavlidis said this antagonistic behavior is usually temporary.
“While there are situations where teen defiance (such as serious rule breaking, violence, substance abuse, or poor school performance) can signal a clinical problem, in most cases the shift in attitude reflects healthy autonomy and identity development,” she explained.
Parents might find managing this behavior difficult, but it’s important to keep your cool, for the sake of your relationship long-term.
“It’s best to avoid framing the teen behavior as a moral issue,” Pavlidis said.
“Instead, focus on ways to keep your connection positive.”
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
‘You Need to Step Up’
In her story, Iwishitwasdifferent said her daughter had always been a “much-loved child.”
She and her husband provided a loving and secure home, and both worked part-time so they could take her to extracurricular and social activities. They are also paying for a school trip to the U.S., but their daughter continues to treat them “like s***.”
The poster said a recent family trip to the theater was ruined by the teen’s attitude, with the girl constantly “moaning about something or other.”
“Why had we got this train and not another one, why were our seats so c***, why couldn’t we pay £14 ($16) for a small coke for her, then moaning about the restaurant after,” she said.
“My other [daughter] and I needed the toilet and she even moaned about that. ‘Why did we not have control of our bladder?’ This was our first trip to the toilet in about five hours!”
The teenager also insults her appearance, criticizing the poster’s clothes and pressuring her to dye her hair and wear make-up, as well as calling her father a “short man.”
“I just dislike her so much and am so concerned that this is who she is and will never change,” said Iwishitwasdifferent.
“Friends tell me it’s because she’s a teenager but does this mean all teenagers are cruel?”
Some Mumsnet users agreed with the poster’s friends, with mbosnz calling teenagers “contemptuous and disrespectful.”
“This doesn’t sound unusual. More the grumpy, critical stage some go through before they’re fully in charge of their own destiny,” said Undertheoldlindentree.
However, others said the daughter’s actions go beyond stereotypical teenage behavior, especially after the poster recounted a recent incident, where the teen shoved her mom because she didn’t like dinner.
“What it tells me is that you are allowing this poor behavior,” said Mybonnielad. “You need to step up.”
“A 17-year-old screaming over dinner and shoving you ?? That would be the U.S. trip out of the window,” agreed ExplodingCarrots.
“Your friends are correct that teens can go through a horrible phase, but none of mine have ever screamed at me, or criticized my appearance,” wrote Lilliflip.
“I’m sure this wasn’t your intention, but she sounds spoilt. That kind of behavior is unacceptable,” commented MummyJasmin.
“She needs consequences that are directly aligned with her awful behavior,” said WeAreAllLionesses.
“The physical and verbal abuse is outrageous, you’re doing yourselves and her (and your other daughter) no favours whatsoever in letting it continue.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
