• Elizabeth I: One tough lady. She would have kicked Saddam’s tail, as she did the Spanish Armada. + Chaplin: “The Little Tramp” was first movie star - even if all four wives were teenagers. - Mao: Led a long march that kept China down for decades. Cool jackets, though. = Darwin: “Origin of Species” transformed science and society, though GOP still skeptical. + Mandela: Survived jail, apartheid and Winnie. Oh, and transformed a nation. = Wright Bros.: Upside: Invented the airplane. Downside: Forgot to give us legroom. + Newton: “What goes up must come down.” But That was before tech stocks. + Dylan: Why is he here? The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind. = Geronimo: Apache warrior tried to save Human Beings from genocidal invaders (us). - Genghis K.: Gave barbarians a bad name. Would have done well on Wall Street. = Mozart: Wrote some catchy tunes, but more obnoxious than Richard Simmons. + Oprah: If an alien being landed on Earth and said, “Take me to your leader,” she’d be the one. + Einstein: Everything is relative, but this guy was a real genius. Super hair, too. + Gutenberg: Without his printing press, no progress possible. He’s our type. + Washington: The Man Who Would Not Be King set a precedent for giving up power. - Napoleon: Short, French and ultimately a loser. And what was he doing with that hand? + Edison: Invented light bulb, phonograph, forerunner of movie camera. But what’s he done for us lately? + Michelangelo: Best ceiling painter ever. But Giuliani would have banned his “David.” + Armstrong: The real Man on the Moon gets extra credit for not cashing in. = Montezuma: Aztec emperor duped by Cortes. He got his revenge, though too late to enjoy it. = Madonna: Material Girl stretched her 15 minutes into a career with blond ambition. Hi, Mom! + Basho: The Haiku master / like Mount Fuji in winter / CW digs him. + Jordan: Athlete of the millennium, even though he couldn’t hit the curve ball. + Ruth: Proved hot dogs, beer and lovin’ as good as steroids. Babelicious! = Freud: The original couch potato’s slip is showing. Whatever that means. - King Arthur: Hosted Boogie Knights of the Round Table. Thanks a lot, Lancelot. + Galileo: His telescope got him in hot water. But he kept his focus. - Hitler: A half-century later, the question remains: How did it happen? + Leonardo: A real Renaissance man. Too bad he lived before patents and IPOs. + Sanger: Pioneered birth-control movement in the 1920s, ending the rhythm and blues era. + Ali: The Greatest floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee. But boxing’s not sweet, or a science. = Catherine the Great: Strong Russian queen, but couldn’t resist the mane attraction. - Stalin: Strong Soviet dictator, but couldn’t resist murdering millions. = Columbus: Got a little lost on the way to India, but discovered the Caribbean vacation. + Gandhi: Passive resistance gave peace a chance everywhere. Bonus: Invented dress-down Friday. + Austen: Arguably the best novelist ever. Plus, gave Gwyneth Paltrow her breakthrough role. + Churchill: Helped save the world with a whisky in his hand. The real man of the century. + Joan of Arc: Boy, was she hot! Downside: To this day, the inspiration for tedious movies. = Gen. Tso: After all the battles, 19th-century Chinese general known in West only for his chicken. + Shakespeare: The best writer ever gets the last word on the millennium. “All’s well that ends well.”